After Blaze died in the summer of 2018, I pretty much
spiraled into an abyss of depression. On
top of that, the company I worked for was going through reorganizations from
top to bottom. There was chaos and
uncertainty everywhere. Just like in the
movie “Office Space”, many people had to interview for their own jobs. Those who were not chosen to be rehired into
their job were placed into a pool of people for “reallocation.” Reallocation basically means that you have a specified
amount of time to find a different job within the company or you’re toasty
toast. Several people got “toasted.” Needless to say, employee morale across the
company was down. My own department went
through some huge changes, none of which I cared for.
Reflecting on what mattered to me most, weighing the value
of time versus money, asking myself if my identity was still tied to being a
scientist, I pondered the possibility of leaving the industry for good. I found myself facing a similar question to that
of the character, Tomas, from the novel “The Unbearable Lightness of Being,”: [paraphrased
because I can’t find the exact quote online at the moment] What is left of a man once his inborn mission in life is gone? In other words, “Who am I if I am not a
scientist (or substitute a specific role within the broader term “scientist”)?” Fortunately, I had to face versions of this
question a few times along the way in my career. Each time I found that I acquired a new goal
and eventually gained a new self-image, a new expanded identity and I was ultimately
still me. I gathered those memories to
myself and held them close like a security blanket. My past ability to recreate myself bolstered
my courage to take the plunge. In late
November of 2018 I told my supervisor I wanted to leave the company at the end
of the year. I was grateful to my
supervisor that she permitted me to finish out the year, which allowed me to
qualify for a bonus (a source of money that would be quite needed in the coming
year, given that our household income was about to drop by 55%).
As a good-bye of sorts to my fellow colleagues, I wrote a
piece I titled, “Reflections on Firsts” and shared it in the final departmental
newsletter of 2018. I’ve shared a copy
of that here, dear reader:
Reflections on Firsts
For many of us, this newsletter represents the end of an
era. It represents “lasts”, if you
will: the last newsletter written by
Julie, the last quarter we’re all together as Clin Pharm Sci Com, and, for me,
the last year of my career with Lilly.
Coming to the end of such a huge part of my life has caused me to pause
and reflect on all of the experiences I had while working for Lilly. Among my fondest are memories of my “firsts”.
Lilly was my first real job!
At what I thought was an old age of 31, I joined Lilly and was given an
assignment of setting up my first laboratory from scratch. Wow.
That seemed like a huge responsibility and I had never been allowed to
spend money like that – ordering all of the equipment, microscopes, laminar
flow hoods, balances, supplies, chemicals, everything. But then, followed an even bigger first. I was asked to turn a large storage closet
into a surgical suite for performing in
situ rat brain perfusion studies. What
a rewarding experience! I worked with
construction guys to install ventilation for a downdraft hood, so we could use
isoflurane gas anesthesia for the rats, instead of the inferior way they had
been anesthetizing them with only phenobarbital injections. We installed surgical tables, dissecting
microscopes, perfusion pumps, water baths, gas cylinders, everything necessary
to perform surgery. It was one of my
proudest moments at Lilly.
After a year of working by myself in the lab, I was allowed
to hire my first direct report, James Bacon (yes, there’s a connection J). Together, he and I developed Lilly’s first in
vitro blood-brain barrier model. We were
nominated for, and won, the President’s Award for that work! (See photo at end of page).
My very first trip outside the United States was on behalf
of Lilly. Because of my work, I would
eventually travel to England, Scotland, Switzerland, Puerto Rico, and Italy. Those were exciting adventures for which I
felt honored to represent Lilly.
After I tired of my time in the lab, I pursued my dream of
being a writer and landed my first job as a medical writer at Lilly’s US
Affiliate. Little did I know that my
role as a medical writer would open a whole new world of firsts for me.
I got to experience what it was like to lead a group of
physicians and scientists in writing a clinical manuscript. You all know what that’s like – VERY
different from the writing we did as graduate students! When my first clinical manuscript was
published, my husband surprised me at work with a huge bouquet of flowers. That seems funny now, so many publications
later, but it felt like an incredible feat at the time.
While in the capacity of a medical writer at the US
Affiliate, I had the privilege of being involved in a huge variety of
assignments. One year, I got to organize
and lead my first Ad Hoc Advisory Board Meeting. To accomplish that, I had to execute my first
contract with a company called Virtual Meeting Services. I had a budget, I got to choose the venue, I
organized the agenda – down to the scheduled bathroom break times – I chose the
meals and snacks, and I had to ensure all of the external Thought Leaders were
appropriately compensated for their out-of-pocket expenses. It was an amazing experience. A lot of work! I wouldn’t want to do it again, but it was
something that I felt really proud of once it was accomplished.
One of the most unique “firsts” I experienced was standing
in for the physician on the team during a market research study. The purpose of the market research was to
evaluate the effectiveness of the DURABLE trial manuscript that the physician
and I had written together. The
physician was sick, so she asked me to take her place. Market research is SOOO different from the
types of things we writers normally experience in our day-to-day work. This particular study involved a group of people
from Lilly marketing sitting in a darkened room behind a two-way mirror while I
went into the observation room and presented an overview of the DURABLE trial
to a subject who had previously read the DURABLE manuscript (the subjects were
practicing endocrinologists). After my
presentation, I left the observation room and went back behind the mirror. A marketing person then entered the
observation room and asked the subject questions about the DURABLE trial to see
how effective the manuscript (and I) had been at communicating the results. I felt like I was participating in some kind
of FBI investigation or something. It
was so cool!
Then came my entry into Clinical Pharmacology and my very
first New Drug Application submission (baricitinib – Olumiant). O.M.G.!
I had no idea what I was getting into.
That was a year of my life I’ll never get back! But, no, seriously, I wouldn’t trade that
experience. The feeling we had as a team,
when we all were working in the wee hours of the morning to carry the
submission over the finish line – that was a feeling of camaraderie, teamwork,
and togetherness like I’ve never experienced before. That was something really special!
Now, as I come to the end of dreams from the past, I smile
with gratitude for all of the firsts I was so blessed to experience. I did it!
Most of my dreams were fulfilled and there were others I didn’t even
know I wanted that were given to me, as well.
Now, I dream of future firsts: my first published freelance article, my
first published photo, my first novel, first interview with a world-renowned
scientist, first vet assistant position, first writing assignment requiring
travel…. All are dreams. But, I remind myself, so were my dreams of
becoming a scientist, of getting a PhD, of working for a pharmaceutical
company. I recognize that all longed-for
realities begin as a dream. Who knows
what lies ahead? Perhaps firsts I
haven’t even thought of. Dreams I
haven’t yet dreamt. There’s a world of
possibility and adventure out there just waiting for me to say, “Yes!”.
I would be delighted for you to follow me! J
Caption: Here we are, mere youngsters. Little did I know that the man on the left
side of Row 1 (James Bacon) would become my beloved husband and best friend. Now, 18 years after we won the President’s
Award, Jim and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on May
22, 2019.
Bravo!!
ReplyDeleteThank you! :-)
ReplyDelete